Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize