Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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