the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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