i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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