The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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