Banned from zoo.
Again?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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