at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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