Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize