u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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