I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize