Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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