im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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