Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Randomize
Follow @tfln