MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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