I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
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i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize