Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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