do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize