Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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