i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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