i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize