he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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