that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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