My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize