Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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