apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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