I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
should my penis look like a turkey
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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