you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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