I'm so fucking centered right now
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize