thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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