he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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