I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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