woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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