Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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