No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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