If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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