Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize