Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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