Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize