she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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