That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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