He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Shame is for Republicans.
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