I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
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my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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