Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize