omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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