i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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