new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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