So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Panties = found
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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