I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found your dick twin last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am one with the molecules
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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