My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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