sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
