Barsexuality is the new black.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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