The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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